Jun 45 min read

Embracing Flexibility in Later-Life Dating: The Key to Finding Love 💕

This week, I received a call from Ruth, 64, who shared some wonderful news. Ruth, who has been widowed, met Paul, 67, and after a few dates, they have decided to start a relationship.

This journey wasn't easy for Ruth. Despite being a successful and intelligent woman, she struggled to find someone interested in her romantically outside of online dating. Ruth is a reserved but classy lady in how she dresses. She is also not keen on makeup and tends to do with very little.

Paul, a retired businessman, was initially fixated on finding a partner who matched a specific image. Ruth had two unsuccessful introductions through my database before I introduced her to Paul.

During our consultations, I recognised that Paul and Ruth shared similar values and outlooks on life. I encouraged Paul to look beyond superficial traits and focus on deeper qualities. Ruth had a very open mind and did not need any encouragement. She liked Paul's profile and saw that many points within it resonated with her values and outlook on life.

In our post-date chat, Paul expressed doubts about what he assumed was Ruth’s lack of willingness to join him on adventures due to her reserved nature and questioned his attraction to her. We revisited our pre-date discussion, emphasising the importance of looking beyond first impressions. We discussed the positives from the date and how Paul found Ruth interesting, and humourous and he did not notice the time spent with her race by (2 hours). This reflection helped Paul look for Ruth's positive traits, instead of always instantly looking for his set 'picky tick list'.

Now we are 6 weeks down the line, and Paul is also very happy to let me know that he and Ruth are now in a relationship and have started booking many adventures for the rest of the year. He acknowledged that he had been judging dates based on looks and dismissing them if they didn't meet the criteria in his head before considering a second date. He also admitted he is now very happy because, after spending quality time with Ruth and getting to know her, he discovered they have much in common and are excited to get started on enjoying new adventures together.

Next month, Paul and Ruth will take on a thrilling new adventure: abseiling! for the first time. This exciting experience will see them pushing their boundaries and creating unforgettable memories together. While we realise this adventure is not for everyone, it highlights how their shared value of embracing adventure has brought them closer together. Overall, their zest for life and a similar approach to how it should be lived in their mid-late 60s have bonded them.

Their story demonstrates that flexibility and focusing on positives can help overcome barriers that many older singles face.

As we age, our thoughts, opinions, and preferences can become more set. This can make dating challenging, as older singles often have long lists of criteria—sometimes known as "tick lists"—that potential partners must meet. While knowing what you want is important, it can also become a barrier to finding true companionship.

That's where I come in. As I did with Ruth and Paul, I aim to help older singles be more flexible and open-minded in their approach to dating. By guiding you to challenge your preconceived notions and focus on deeper connections, I can help you find the companionship you seek. Ruth and Paul's story is a perfect example of how embracing flexibility and focusing on the positives can lead to a fulfilling relationship. With the right mindset and support, you too can find love and companionship in later life.

Take the Next Step This Bank Holiday Weekend

To help you get started on your own journey towards finding love, I’m offering a special free resource this bank holiday weekend. You'll receive a worksheet designed to help you become more flexible in your dating approach. This resource is designed to help you work on your dating skills and start meeting potential partners this summer.

Stay tuned for the upcoming section where you will find advice and guidance on the best ways to access this free resource and begin your journey towards a happier, more fulfilling dating experience.

Whether you’re new to dating or looking to improve your current approach, these tools will provide you with practical steps to take control of your love life.

Holding Onto Healthy Pickiness:

Gain Experience: Each date is an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you truly value. Embrace the variety and be open to unlikely possibilities. This journey is about discovering not just a partner, but also more about yourself.
Heal Old Patterns: Take time to reflect on past relationships and heal any unresolved issues. It's okay to take a break and focus on self-care. Healing helps prevent repeating past mistakes and prepares you for healthier interactions and an enjoyable journey meeting interesting people, who at worst could become friends.
Think Positive: Shift your focus from worrying about societal expectations to aiming for a fulfilling love life. Positivity attracts positive experiences and people.
Focus on Internals: Kindness, generosity, and shared values matter much more than superficial traits. Real connections are built on these deeper qualities.
Set Priorities: Keep your list of must-haves concise and focused on what truly matters. This makes it easier to find a compatible partner who shares your core values.

Letting Go of Less Healthy Pickiness:

Understand Your Motives: Reflect on why certain criteria are important to you. Make sure your standards are meaningful and not superficial. Understanding your motives helps in making more deliberate choices.
Face Your Doubts: Sometimes, deal-breakers can be a way of avoiding intimacy. Consider if you're using them to protect yourself from getting hurt. Opening up can lead to more meaningful connections.
Review Your History: Look back at past dating decisions and see if pickiness has kept you from forming meaningful relationships. This reflection can provide valuable insights and guide you towards more balanced choices.
Accept More Invitations: Be open to new experiences. Say yes to social invitations and give yourself the chance to meet new people. Each interaction is an opportunity for connection.
Ask Your Friends: Your friends know you well and can offer valuable feedback on your dating standards. Let them help you with introductions and moral support. They might see opportunities you haven't considered.
Be Flexible: Broaden your criteria to include more potential partners. Flexibility increases your chances of finding someone truly compatible.
Stop Watching Movies: Romantic comedies can create unrealistic expectations. Focus on real-life connections instead. Reality can be even better than fiction.
Suspend Judgement: Give new relationships time to develop before making decisions. Go on at least three dates before deciding whether to continue. Patience can lead to deeper connections.